Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.  

Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.with more of an experience.

Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together!

If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.  

Boy Overboard!

Jack and uncle Cakey were looking over the side of boat trying to catch a glimpse at the great white shark, suddenly he tripped over the anchor rope that his uncle told him to put away and he fell into the water like a polar bear diving for its food. “HELP!” cried Jack but uncle Cakey could not hear him because   he was deaf.  Jack was gasping for air as he was slowly drowning, he thought he would die.

The teeth chattering water was rising above his head,he could see sharks that had eyes of steal.  They were surrounding him like they had not eaten in months. He was as scared as a kid in a haunted house and he was missing his mum and his Uncle Cakey,he was fading into the darkness just him and his lonely soul.

He decided to lie on his back, say his prayers and let nature do what nature needed to do.  The goosebumps on his arms were  slowly going away, the waves were pushing up and down.  He was now in the power of nature. He knew the right thing would happen and he might not die a painful death.

Written by Memphis, Jipsy, Daisy and Mereana.

Memphis:

I think me and my team done really well on working together and finding where we needed to put full stops and capitals letters.

Jipsy:

I think that me and my crew done really well for this moment in time, cause we had a lot of ideas in our mind that we shared.

Mereana:

I think that me and my group did really well.  I liked that everyone put all their great ideas together and made a good piece of writing.  I also learnt some new words from my group.

Daisy:

I think me and my group did well on this piece of writing because we all put all our ideas together and made a really good piece of writing that is really descriptive and has a simile that decrided the sentence that it was used  really well. But in this piece of writing we still needed to go back and change same words and read it for sense